the plankmeister's interweblet

Wednesday, March 27, 2002

Byron Bay : Australia

Got up, sat by the pool, topped up the tan. Got dragged down the beach by the crazy Dutch girl (Nora) and an English girl (Sally.) Down on the beach, they met their other friends, Kathy and Kathy (Confusing... [Wow. I'm having a major D?j? Vu as I sit writing this. Most spooky!]) Nora and Sally were sunbathing topless. Not that I looked or anything...Then the weather turned poo so I headed back with one of the Kathies. Back at the hostel, Richard, and the new guy in our room called Richard (Confusing) and a few other people were playing volleyball (Fire it up there, Focker! It's just a game, Focker!) in the pool. I jumped in and we had a 4 on 4 game which was really good fun. Played for a couple of hours, then messed around with stupid jumps, dives and bellyflops etc etc. Went upstairs to the benches after a shower to drink some beer. Richard and I invited ourselves into the conversation the 4 girls were having (That would be Kathy, Kathy, Nora and Sally) and got chatting to them. Later, we went down to the Beach Hotel, and another new guy in the room, Daniel, (He with beard like Ming the Merciless) came too. Much drinking was done. Walking back to the hostel, the ticket touts for Cheeky Monkeys were touting (surprisingly) and one mentioned the free entry bus was on its way. So Myself, Richard, Kathy and Sally ended up going to Cheeky Monkeys. And I wish we didn't. It became very obvious that Sally was interested in me, and Kathy was very interested in Richard. However, while under normal circumstances this might be acceptable, they are both not very pleasant to behold, and are both - quite frankly - slappers. When it became so blatantly obvious that Sally 'wanted on' I just turned my back and ignored her. Richard had no such luck, though. Kathy (and let's just say that she is not a petite lady) reversed into Richard and parked herself between his legs. He had a horrified look on his face and I nearly died laughing when he looked down at her really quite gargantuan arse and said in a very distraught and panicked Irish accent "What are you doing with that thing?!?!?" At this moment, I had to sprint to the toilet to laugh my ass off. When I returned, Richard had extracted himself from beneath her largeness, and was dancing on the tables. Good man. Untederred, Sally tried a few more times, once successfully managing to place herself twixt my thighs, but I actually felt myself recoiling in horror. I quickly jumped up and started dancing next to Richard. In the end, Richard spotted someone he met in Thailand, and went over to speak/dance with her. To escape, I invited myself along too, and danced next to them, and thankfully there wasn't enough room for Sally, and definitely not enough room for Kathy. In the end, I think Kathy and Sally got the picture that we were not interested in any way shape or form. To our collective delight and relief, they left. After we got chucked out, we went to the pie shop, Where we were accosted by a strange man. Richard and I were glancing at each other with "who-the-fuck-is-this-guy" looks on our faces. Richard was wearing a bright yellow t-shirt. I mean bright fucking yellow. You need shades to look at this thing. And at the time, he was squirting tomato ketchup all over his pie. At this precise moment, the strange man - sat in a chair around the table - decided to give the underside of the table a good kick. Which sent Richard's ketchup-covered pie up in the air, and upside down onto Richard's t-shirt. Ketchup was everywhere. It became a red t-shirt. The guy didn't even apologise! The fecker! Then he went to get a pie. While he was inside, I turned to Richard and said "Shall we do a runner? I don't want to sit and talk to this weirdo anymore." A few mmmmmms and aaaaahs later, and the guy is just completing his purchase and will be back with us within seconds. "We got 5 seconds... 5... 4... 3... " And at that moment, we both got up and we ran and we ran and we ran and we ran all the way back to the hostel, where we hid behind trees in case he followed. But he didn't. Phew! Then we went up to the benches briefly, where I don't remember talking to anyone, but apparently we were for about 30 minutes. Then we went to bed, and woke everyone in the room up by storming in both in broad Dublin accents saying things such as "Feck you, y'fecker! Y'feckin'eeeedjit! Feck this, feck that, feck the other! Feck feck feck!" which we thought was hilarious, but being woken up by such antics at 4am didn't impress the others. Ooops! :)