the plankmeister's interweblet

Wednesday, May 8, 2002

Melbourne : Australia

Dorthe. Skating. Jedi Knight II. Not a lot else going on really. Can get on and off of K-grinds, crookeds and nose-slides now. But then I fall off. Getting there, though! 3 days ago I couldn't even get on them!

One thing that almost managed to defeat me though, is conducting the purchase of shampoo. There is a certain shampoo that I use. You probably know it, and may have even tried it. You know the Original Mint Source stuff? I use that. Eucalyptus and Mint (for that zingy never felt before experience!). Since I started using it, there has been no other shampoo that can match it. So I wander all over Melbourne, trawling its myriad pharmacies, department stores and supermarkets, in a vain and ever more desperate quest for some of the exquisitely rare and enigmatic emerald ambrosia. In my quest, at the 11th hour, I happen across a vast, unending and seemingly infinitely sized pharmacy called Priceline. The promise of many things was assured on strategically placed advertisements as I ascended the escalator into the very bowels of the gargantuan purveyor of toiletries and beauty products. Among these promises, however, I did not find one that assured me of the presence of the goal of my quest. Up escalators, down escalators, up stairs and down stairs I travelled on my search. Cruising the motorway-wide aisles lined with every possible toiletry, beauty, cosmetic and skin-care product, my hope that I might find some small corner set aside for the display of the Original Mint Source line of products slowly waned. For many days I wandered, thirsty and hungry, under the baking halogen lamps used to illuminate the cavern of interesting and colourfully packaged chemicals (Some of which - I am assured - Reduce the signs of ageing and eliminate fine lines and wrinkles). Occasionally I see in the middle distance, a good kilometre or so away further down the aisle, a member of staff. I run toward them but by the time I get there they are gone, seemingly absorbed into the shelves, and I am left alone once more to continue my seemingly fruitless pursuit. I decide to cut my losses and make for the nearest exit and get back into the real world. Who knows where I may end up? I've been in here for weeks! I could emerge in North Africa! Maybe I should buy some suncream? I dismiss the thought as puerile. If I can't find shampoo, what possible hope do I have of finding suncream? Several months pass. Dehydrated so badly I'm almost dessicated, so hungry I've eaten my arms and legs, I make awkwardly slow progress by wriggling along on my buttocks. I see it! I see the exit! And the cashier! I see the cashier! And OH MY GOD! I SEE SOME MINT SHAMPOO!!!! In a spontaneous burst of regrowth, much to my and the cashier's surprise, my legs and arms grow back so quickly there's a bang sound, and I'm stood, looking mildly concussed, staring at the shelf containing the goal of my quest. In the years since I began my quest, time has been unkind to me, and I wish I'd picked up some of that stuff I'd seen that reduces the appearance of wrinkles. There's no way I'm going back in there now. I would never see daylight again! My hair has now grown halfway down my back, so I fill my arms with as many bottles of Eucalyptus & Mint as I can, shamble over to the cashier, pay for them (thankfully the currency I had in my wallet was still current) and wander, open-mouthed and amazed (and via several escalators, stairwells and elevators) out into daylight. Into Melbourne daylight. Jeez... either Melbourne is huge or Priceline is like the Tardis.